giggle pop

Dear readers I fear I have a horrible disease. As some of you know last year I was diagnosed with Ikeritis. I had been (the exact opposite of) suffering from it for many years and I was finally able to pinpoint why I lost all function every time I saw a picture or even thought about Iker Casillas. While Ikeritis has been an amazingly pleasant experience, I fear I have contracted a new much worse disease, it is known as Cristianorhea.

I showed initial symptoms a while back when I had a very brief fascination with his abdominal and hipdippal regions, but I soon realized that it must be stopped. I stopped it quickly, I took high doses of Xavi, Gago, Iker, Pupi, Riccy, Ramos, Raul, Gigi, Canna, Gonzo and many other supplements from countries such Argentina, Spain, Italy and so on. (all of which were taken with a teaspoon of course). The symptoms subsided and totally disappeared. I managed to go on day to day hating overly gelled, overly tanned, cry-babies who played for horrible teams. Through my regiment I managed to avoid the initial strain of this disease, lets call it the Trafford-Strain-Simplex-7.

In the summer of 2009 the disease Cristianorhea morphed into a whole new strain and I fear I contracted it. This strain is known as the Merengues-Strain-Simplex-9-Galacticos. While a much milder form of the strain and much more pleasant it is also much more contagious.

I believe these pictures were taken around the time I was infected


The moment I saw this giddy face in the Real Madrid kit I felt hate fading. He just looked, so…so happy to a be a part of our club. I mean it was his dream, his dream was not to play for some annoying club in northern England his dream was to play in La Liga for Real Madrid.



The grease seemed much less shiny. I felt less disgusting loving his manbags, his abs, his hip dips, his thighs. It was like all the grossness was washed away when he took off that red kit and put on the white one

I no longer wanted to look away, no longer felt like I should, it just seemed so natural. It was like when he put on the blanco there was a sort of footie baptism and all of the things I hated were cute little quirks because he was now part of a team I loved not one I hated.

Oh dear me, I apologize, all that gushing was the disease talking, not me I swear. You see it addles the brains, I think and say things I never thought I would. I know many of you have not been infected, some have a natural immunity and never will. Some were infected by the original strain and can understand me. Those with the immunity please be kind and understand the strife those of us infected endure, I don’t think any of us wish for this disease, all we can do is live with it and hide it the best we can. I know in the past I was critical of those infected but I now see the errors of my ways there are some lustings you just cannot help and you never know when they will strike.

I am starting a support group for those of us infected and need a place to discuss our oh so wonderfully wrong feelings. Please let me know if you are interested, we are not alone.

Are you suffering from Cristianorhea? Here are some of the symptoms, if you experience two or more of these you are likely infected. If you have been infected, I unfortunately have not found a cure. But I have not been looking too hard.

Possible symptoms
• You have a folder of “Cristiano Ronaldo” pictures on your computer, that you hide under another name.
• You wonder, can he really be that diseased?
• You ask yourself “straight men can wear silver hot pants, right?”
• You see him fall and you think “Maybe that was not a dive”
• You believe he just had ice cream and went LV shopping with Paris
• You think to yourself “maybe he will stop his epic douchbaggary now that he has joined Real Madrid”
• He moves closer to the “want to chase with whipped cream and file in your mind” you also plan to bring purell on this chase
• You find yourself staring hungrily at his hipdips, abs, arms, etc
• You start to think well he has a cute smile and loves his mom
And last but not least
• You look at this pic and you find yourself thinking “I so would” when you know its so dirty



*note* even though I have this disease does not believe I do not fully standby anything I have said about him in the past. Nor does it mean I will ever stop making jokes about him, nor will I stop thinking jokes about him are frickin’ hilarious.

I’m sure I will forget one or two, but here it goes my thoughts on each of the transfers and how they will fit into the team.

Kaka



What can’t I say about Kaka, by far the signing I am most excited about. He is the definition of class, a great footballer, everything. It would be pointless to go on about how great he is and how great he will be with us. Can you really go wrong with a player like him? He is a class player and a team player he will fit in fine and dandy, kind of one of those players there is always room for, especially when we lack an attacking midfielder who is not injured by the blowing of a stiff breeze.

Like many I did not like the circumstances of how he came to the club because everyone knew his heart was in Milan and he only came for financial reasons (Milan’s not his own). But here is my take on it, Real Madrid has money to spend, they make a bid for one of the best in the world. Player says thanks, but I love my club don’t want to go. Should be end of story right? Club could just say no, but they want the money so they say bye-bye Kaka. Not an ideal situation, but the blame should not be entirely on Madrid.

Now that was a big signing, I think Yay there no way they are going to sign that thing Cron now….dun dun dun

Cristiano Ronaldo



What was it a week later? Yup we signed Ronaldo. That greasy, prostitute banging, overly tanned, tantrum throwing, toolbag was now going to fulfill his dream of becoming a Real Madrid player. Will he fit into the team? Well he is also one of the best in the world, and if he comes to play for the club and not himself also a player there is always plenty of room for. Basically same sentiments as Kaka, just take out the parts about being a class person, and only if he really plays for the club.

I had my doubts and figured I would hate him no matter what. Then at his presentation he was almost giddy to be in our kit, and it looked like it belonged on him. Since it really was his dream to play for RM maybe some of his cry-baby arrogant ways will be quelled and he will be an okay guy. I am still holding out final verdict, but so far gosh darnit I am liking the kid (and hating myself for it) more to come on my thoughts on Cris in next post :-P

Those two were easy, now I get a little more analytical.

Albiol



Young player, tons of potential, just what we need. We need defenders, and I think it is better to go young and promising rather than someone already too established. This is one of those signings showing RM is really looking to the future, he may need time to settle in but I honestly think they will give it to him (this will make more sense as I discuss Benzema and Arbeloa). It seems like with the defense they are building they are building it with plans for the future and will take a few potential missteps initially.

Last time around we got Canna and Heinze both were good, but their age started to show and our defense has been pretty craptastic, not to blame those two by any means but it is time for a transition that will give us a team that can win championships with more than a 2 season shelf life. As you know Canna returned to Juve and it sounds like a deal is all but done for Heinze to go as well.


Benzema



I admit this freaked me out at first. Early in the summer I was terrified that Higuain would be sold or benched (mostly from the Villa rumors), so naturally signing another striker freaked me out. Then it hit me, the plan is likely for the future front two to be Higuain and Benzema. He is one of the most promising strikers out there and also very young.

Since both Benzema and Higuain are so young and Raul is getting up there in years it will not be a problem to rotate the three. With two strikers up front they can kind of rotate starters. I would lean more towards starting the two youngins and sub in Raul or maybe the other way around. Raul brings experience so we need him in the games against teams like Barca but smaller clubs you can give the young guns the responsibility. It seems like they are planning to train them up to be Raul’s successor in a few seasons.

As for Ruud and Huntelaar. Well I think its time for Ruud to move on or be happy being a sub, we can get a decent fee for him, but he is getting up there in years. As for Hunty, he was destine to be gone at the end of the season or be on the bench either way only really brought half way though the season to fill an injury gap and then sell imo. So basically keep one of the dutchies and the sell the other pros and cons to both, but the future and a bright one indeed is in Higuain and Benzema. This is why Villa made no sense to me, a player as big and as experienced as him should be started every game and that would not be possible without benching a player that definitely should not be benched.

Arbeloa



Yay an academy babe coming home! I kept saying, if we sign a good right/left back this whole experiment just might work, and my God Perez did something right. It is a little tricky because both Arby and the Ramos play right back usually, but both are very versatile and can play both as well as a potential center back. Their versatility and Pellegrini’s skills as a tactician that conflict should sort itself out. If not there is always jello wrestling while wearing Spanish flag speedos, that also solves problems nicely.

This is another signing showing a commitment to the future of Real Madrid’s defense and team as a whole and not just an off the cuff signing of a big name. Arbeloa brings in experience at top flight football mixed with a RM background and good skill, kind of the last piece we needed.

All in all we may need some time to gel, but it looks like this time around Perez was a bit smarter with his decisions, still quite extravagant and annoying, but not a complete idiot. This could all be wishful thinking, but I think this may work, it may take a season to really gel and I hope the club gives them the time. There will be a great mix of youth and experience and the fight the Los Blancos always seem to have.

As far as other players, I think the Dutch midfielders are gone this summer, and kind of happy about it. I loved some (Robben) but they never quite meshed in the team right. Some did not get many chances (VDV), but they also never took advantage of the chances they got to prove themselves like some players did (Higuain), and some you never even noticed when they were playing (Sneijder).

And I refuse to comment on the potential of Xabi until I have to accept it.

This has been an interesting summer to be a Real Madrid supporter to say the least. But I think I finally have a grasp on my thoughts on our transfers so far. I am not going to talk about the amount of money spent, while an interesting topic, its just a different topic that I don’t feel like discussing right now. I know there is a lot of criticism of the club for the amount the club has spent and a lot of it is valid, but what I wanted to discuss is if we actually signed players that are good for the club and La Liga.

I keep hearing “its just a collection of stars and will never work” hell I was even saying that in the beginning, but there were a few players that when signed kind of seemed to fit the pieces of the puzzle together, mainly Benzema and Arbeloa. The signing of those two showed a focus on the future and not just immediate results and I will explain throughout the next post why I think that is the case. Keep in mind these are all just my crazy thoughts and I don’t pretend to be some expert and could be totally wrong.

I should start by saying I hate Perez and the image he is giving the club, RM is a great club with a great history and he is just setting it up to be mocked. If the Galactacos don’t win every game by 35 goals this season I am pretty sure they will get mocked and disregarded not something this collection of class players (new and old) deserves. Even if they win everything people will find something to criticize. But it is crap like that that makes me love the team more, I hate the politics in the club but in a way they set up the team to be the way they are on the pitch. If anyone watched last season our boys fought like crazy to keep up with Barca even though no one thought we had a prayer, and really we didn’t but they refused to give up and gave it a damn good shot.

When I first got into La Liga I did not have a team and I was very annoyed with Galacticos part I and figured I could never be a Real Madrid fan. Then I started watching the team play, how they were on the pitch was nothing like I expected judging by the actions of the club. They were just a bunch of guys out there fighting to win, living the dream of playing for a huge club and just trying to prove themselves as the best. In a way how Perez’s actions set up the club to be mocked forces the players to really fight as a team to prove themselves, and its then that they become more than a collection of stars, they play as a team the best they can with the backroom bs going on around them. I have seen a lot of players come and go, but that same spirit is always there.

Last season we walked away empty handed. It has to happen sometimes. I would be lying if I said I did not care about trophies, of course I do, and cheering for a team like Real Madrid you expect them. But when it comes down to it, my team does not need to win trophies for me to love them. After 10 years of cheering for Gonzaga I almost embrace disappointment. The RM boys gave it their all last season, everyone says what a crappy season they had, and yes it was bellow stellar, but it made me love them even more than I already did. It was downright exciting to watch as a fan and one I wont forget, though sometimes I want to (at least the first half).

Okay that is general thoughts. And to break up the post a little I will do a second one about my thoughts on each signing and my thoughts on who may and should go.

I know its not monday and I am late again with my post, and I know I did Rog a few weeks ago, so recycle everything I said there. I just needed to post the sexiness that is Roger at Wimbledon. The MAN IS WEARING A WASTECOAT this year, and I love it. Granted it is not on the level of Roger Wimbledon porn like the cardigan last year, but still fedtastic! Btw he is through to the 3rd round. My Wimbledon coverage will be lacking because I have not seen a minute of it and probably wont until at least Friday.




Pics from daylife

After weeks of endless prickles TSP was growing tired and timid. He was worried about his upcoming match against the USA.


His teammate Daahhhvveeed saw the worry on little TSP's face and decided to help him overcome his fears. Daahhhvveeed decided it was time to teach little teaspoon his secret weapon "the bitchface" Daahhhvveeed's bitchface was epic and known the world over. A few days before the game the lessons began.


The game was not going as planned, the USA was winning? it could not be, they were dominating the European Champions? oh they were. Now most of the USA boys are just wonderful, absolutely wonderful...except for one, the evil Landycakes. Landycakes had decided he had not filled his quota of douchbagary for the game and decided it pick on the little TSP. Landycakes attacked swiftly and shamelessly in a way that made even his teammates cringe.



After the attack the little teaspoon did not know what to do. He was feeling angry, but did not know how to retaliate. Should he prickle the evil Landycakes?? but no, the prickles were only for the ladies, the exclusive members of the TSP club.

What was TSP to do? Then like a sage, Daahhhvveeed appeared and said "its okay little teaspoon you are ready to fight on your own, just remember what I taught you."

And with that, TSP gave Landycakes the best bitchface he could. Landycakes may have won the game, but TSP won at life.


THE END.

All pics from daylife

I keep meaning to write my profound thoughts on Real Madrid's transfer tactics this summer, but I am too traumatized to do so. I am trying to reconcile my love of the team and my hatered of Mr. Perez. Will write more soon, and in the mean time pray I do not get engulfed in the cloud of STDs produced by Ronnie and Paris mating.

I am on a serious French kick lately. I am loving everything frog, so I figured this week Monday Manmeat (yes I know its Thursday) would be on one of my favorite frenchies. Yoann “Lashes” Gourcuff.

He plays for Les Bleus, used to play for AC Milan went on loan to Bordeaux and is now staying there. They call him Le Petite Zizou. He is young has endless talent oh and likes to strip after games and run around in nothing but his undies. Bless him.
I am just going to let the pictures do the talking for the rest of the post as I will be too busy making dirty jokes about baguettes and giggling to myself.






Okay I do have to comment on this last picture. I am sure everyone has seen it a million times, but I mean my god can you ever get sick of it? It is perfection. I think this man was born to be in black and white. Not to mention the undone button on his jeans it is just beyond words.

For as long as I can remember I was a big fan of French things. I have never been to France, been to a lot of countries, but have not made it there yet. I am not quite sure where this love comes from, maybe its my French roots. I love it all, the cheese, the bread, the wine, the men, the philosophers, the accents, the berets, the everything. They call people who love French things francofiles, and I call my obsession francophiliation. Here are some of the French things I love…

The Wine
I grew up in the wine business and have had a fascination with French wine long before I could drink it. I loved the names and learning how to say them. The labels are so simple yet fancy. As I grew up and began drinking wine and learning lots about it the French was always my favorite. My favorite region is Chatenuf du Papes as well as the rest of the Rhone. I want to learn my Burgundies and Bordeaux’s better, but that will have to wait until I have some money. I have sold wine for many years and doing it again while I search for a lawyer job.

The Cheese
I know my wine, and I also know my cheese. I worked in a few super fancy cheese shops and there are few things I love more than a good Tripple Crème brie or a Tomme.

The Bread
I not only love to eat this tasty bread covered in the above mentioned cheese. I also love to make dirty jokes about baguettes (see below).

The Men
Lashes Gourcuff mmm, Gilles Simone, Philippe Mexes, Titi, Gilles Marini, Zizou, Florent Malouda (when his hair is sorted), Marc Planus, Oliver Martinez to name a few.

Les Bleus
I will forever have a soft spot for the French NT. I was in Europe during the 2006 world cup and cheering for England as I always do. However after England’s exit I threw my crazy excited support in the direction of the motherland. I ended up going to Berlin to be there during the final (and had one of the craziest most awesomely amazing days of my life) and I was cheering on Les Bleus, I was all decked out in an knock off Henry kit (this resulted in many hot German men talking to me about Henry, I will forever be thankful to Titi for this) a French flag, face paint…the works. I was drunk painted a French flag on an Italian guys back (he thought I was painting an Italian one, his friend thought it was hilarious). Anyways, I will always cheer for Les Bleus after that day. Even though the game did not end well, did not end well at all.

The Philosophers
Camus, Sartre, Ricoeur, Rousseau, Malebranche, Montesquieu, Merleau-Ponty *note there are some notable names left off and that was very much on purpose

The accents and Berets
If I could ever marry or at least sleep with a man who talks like Pepe Le Pew I would be a happy happy woman. And berets are just awesome.

ALLEZ LES BLEU!!!!

A few weeks ago I posted my first educational post about the rare sex porcupine. This week you are in store for a math lesson.

I knew hottie Spanish athletes came in pocketsized like my little teaspoon Xavi. I also knew they came in medium size like cuties Sergio Garcia and David Villa. They also come in large like the always delish Iker Casillas and Sergio Ramos. However I had no idea they came in super duper extra large like Pau Gasol.


After my discovery of this 7 foot tall hunk of scruffy manmeat I started to wonder. So like any great scientist/thinker I started with a question, in this case the the question was “how many Xavi’s would be needed to make up just one Pau.” I now had a question to answer and I set out to do so, in the process I made a study of many others. This inspired me to come up with a mathematical equation that would make even Newton feel inferior. It takes into account both height and weight. I plugged a few of my favorite Spanish athletes of all sizes into this mysterious and highly secret equation and these were the results. This was a highly important and scientific study. I cannot predict the effects this will have on the mathematical community but I imagine they will be huge.

In order to get one Pau Gasol you would need the following amounts of these guys…
In order from smallest to largest

Andres “Casper” Ineiesta = 1.52
Xavi “TSP” Hernandez=1.46
Dahveed Veeyaa =1.43
Sergio Garcia =1.38
Sergio “THE” Ramos =1.36
Iker “Sexy Pants” Casillas =1.29
Fernando “Tobasco” Verdasco =1.26
Rafael “Biceps” Nadal =1.23

I am still in shock, but YES my Roger finally won the French Open!! I was in tears Sunday morning, it was so great to see. Everyone had written him off when it came to Roland Garros, but he did it, and now has the career slam. During the last game when he was serving for the title I was reminded just why I love him so much. When the camera would zoom in you could see the emotion on his face, he looked seconds awa from tears. He was already up two sets and you could see him making mistakes, but he knew he had the title and it was just so great to see that raw emotion.


I have watched Fed win a whole lot of Grand Slams, and seen him emotional after each one. This one was different. It was almost like he was winning his first one, he did not know what to do. It is pretty amazing seeing a man who has just tied the record for most Grand Slams in shock that he won another one. It was not the same without Rafa there, but I don’t think it takes away from Fed’s win. I know it would mean more to him if it was Rafa out there, but I think that stems from their respect for one another. Such an amazing rivalry, and what is so amazing about it is t ehir incredible sportsmanship and respect for one another. When they play one another in a final they both play at a super human level because both know the other deserves nothing less.

I think one of the best things about this is people will finally give Roger the credit he deserves as a clay player. People always saw it as a weakness because he never won at Roland Garros and they over look just how dominate he is on clay. I think the only person who ever beat him in the French Open is Rafa (maybe one other guy waaaaay back). As one of the commentators said early in the tournament “people always talk about Federer’s problems on clay, but the only problem he has ever had on clay is named Rafa Nadal.”

Okay will stop gushing now. Oh and will leave you with the other reason I love Roger.

mmmmm (thanks for the pics misty ☺)

This weeks Monday Manmeat is the one and only Gigi Buffon. I admit, it has taken me years to develop a taste for this amazingly coiffed hunk of Italian Sausage, but oh man do I see it now. Quick facts…goal keeper for Juve and Italian NT and won a world cup…blah blah blah.


I have a near uncontrollable obsession with this mans hair. As you will notice in the following picture Canna seems to be memorized by it as well.



Another thing I cannot get enough of is this mans name, I can say it over and over again in various accents and never want to stop. Gianluigi Buffon, say it with me Gianluigi Buffon. A friend once said to me “he is so Italian he must sweat extra virgin olive oil.” Even with all of this, all of his sexiness is in the hair. Not to mention the fact that no matter how poor his fashion choices he always looks ALL MAN!
If you look closely in this picture, he is wearing bobby pins. The man wears barretts and I still want to jump him. Yes I did just actually say that and I stand behind it. He could have little pink butterflies on them and would still be more man than any man ever.



And in this picture he is carrying my favorite accessory, the manbag! I have expressed my love of the manbag on many occasions. I can say now with certainty, Gigi carries more manliness in the strap of his manbag than 99% of the male population could ever hope to have.



And in this last picture he is touching Iaquinta’s head (my other obscure obsession, Iaquinta’s head).



Gianluigi = sexiest of the sexy beasts

After telling the tale of the Mardi Gras horse Miss Jaco asked me to share our adventures at Jaco Beach in Costa Rica…one of the many times we took our adventures international. We had just spent 2 weeks in Costa Rica taking classes with our law school. I would be an understatement to say that it was one of the most dramatic 2 weeks of my life, almost traumatic. At the same time it was a frickin’ great time. Here I am with about the only two people I could stand by the end of the trip… Miss Jaco and another friend.



We went through about everything you could imagine…vacationships, ending of friendships, strengthening of friendships, crazy new friendships as well as more alcohol and avocados than anyone could imagine. My liver hurts even thinking about that summer. After our school program ended it was time to get out of San Jose and do a little soul searching/cleansing.

As you see me here in this candid shot on one of our last nights in San Jose with the program giving my best “bitch please” pose…this picture sums up the trip pretty perfectly. Knowing me I was drunk and probably actually saying “bitch please” at the time.


Once the program ended I made plans to travel with Miss Jaco for a few days before we headed home. We spent a while deciding which beach to go to and what hotel to stay at. After some planning we picked to Copa Cabana at Jaco Beach. As I said we needed a weekend of soul searching/cleansing. Little did we know we picked an ocean side Costa Rican whore house with a view, and what do you know there was no better place.

The arrival, after an incredibly awkward van ride (all due to previous drama) we arrive at our hotel, the copa cabana. It is starting to get dark so we sit by the pool enjoying some drinks and order a pizza, and thinking “damn this is living.” When all of a sudden a group of middle aged men come over to our area, they brought an endless supply of imperial (Costa Rican beer) so we begin to chat. They explain they are there for a friends birthday celebration and ask why we are at this particular hotel. Well it turned out the hotel was mostly filled with prostitutes, and they were curious because we clearly were not prostitutes. After a few beers we begin to ask them questions about how this whole prostitute thing works and why exactly they would do such a thing…and what resulted was a very informative conversation I would rather forget. I did learn one thing however, my future husband will NEVER go to Costa Rica without me.

We make more friends at the hotel, some there for the hookers some not. We have one big fun chat session by the pool. At one point we received salsa dance lessons from one of the prostitutes, it was free. After hanging out at the hotel for a while a bunch of us decide to go out on the town and drink some more. On our way to some fun bars, some of the guys decided they would take us on a walk through of a very interesting bar…

The Beatle Bar
This bar had a simple black sign with white writing and it said “Beatle Bar” from the outside it seems like any other bar, but when you go in you can tell quickly something is just off. All you see is a lot of people talking in pairs, a lot of older men and a lot of younger women. It is very hard to explain, but it was a very interesting experience.

We spend the rest of the night out with random people from our hotel, including a very nice mattress salesman who was not there for the prostitutes, he was on vacation with his cousin.

The Cousin
The next day we go walk on the beach, lay by the pool, and relax in general. That night we hang out at the hotel bar drinking, not really sure what happened that night because after 2 weeks of heavy drinking and two nights in a row of staying out until dawn I fell asleep at about 8pm. But apparently Mr. Matress Salesman goes out. Later that night Mr. Matress Salesman wakes up to some disturbing sounds and comments as cousin and his new friend get to know each other. Mr. Matress Salesman goes and sleeps on beach, tells us about how disturbed he was by this the next morning. I go ziplining in the jungle (awesome by the way). After some evidence collecting Miss Jaco and Mr. Matress Salesman figure out Cousins friend is most likely a prostitute, and cousin somehow ended up going to a family picnic with her.

You can see me here soul searching on the beach


After yet another night of drinking followed by another day of laying by the pool and playing on the beach we decide we will spend our last night relaxing and having a quiet dinner at the hotel. Quiet dinner turned into many glasses of wine and about 8 shots of patron…each. While we never left the hotel we had one of the most wonderful conversations about life and all the adventures we had been through together. We talked about, life, love, lack of love, drama, mean people, nice people, and realized that night just how much our friendship meant.

We went to the beach for some soul cleansing, and while we witnessed some of the dirtiest sides of life, we walked away from Jaco Beach with souls cleansed, baptized by Patron. At times all we could do was laugh and/or be disturbed but in the end it was one of the most interesting experiences of my life. I saw a side of the world that I guess I always knew existed but never thought I would really see, and then there I was a spectator in the middle of it all. After everything we went through in the previous two weeks we needed a shock to the system to shake us out of the bubble we were in for that two weeks. When it came down to it all we needed was a weekend in a brothel with an ocean view and a whole lot of tequila.

Me and Miss Jaco at the beach on our life changing weekend

In interest of making my blog more about educational topics and not just half naked European athletes and sports in general this post is my attempt at a nature documentary. Today I will teach you about a mysterious creature with some very strong mysterious powers. Some women are born with a natural resistance to this creature, however, I like many was not born with such a resistance. I have fallen prey to this benign looking creature too many times to count. This creature is the sex porcupine.

Here are some basic facts on the sex porcupine

Other Names: Sexus Porcupinus, Xavier Hernandez, Xavalicious

Native territory: Barcelona, Spain also found in the general Catalonia region, Central midfield, Camp Nou, Gigglepop’s dreams and/or fantasies

Height: 1.70 m

Weight: 66 kg

Here is a photo of the sex procupine in captivity


General physical characteristics: Big chocolate brown eyes, pouty expression, perma 5 o’clock shadow, superior passing skills, superior free kick skills, Collects giant trophies

Defining characteristics: Perfectly spiky hair, Intense, unexplainable, incomprehensible sex appeal

Ways of attack: Beware of the sex porcupine’s spikies, or as the experts call them “prickles.” The prickles is the source of the sex porcupines powers and if you are luck you may just get prickled by them. Sometimes the sex porcupine is seen wearing an armband, this is when females are at greatest danger of attack

Be careful, while this creature may look harmless it makes up what it lacks in stature by a gigantic amount of sexy. The sex porcupine has been known to bath in random villages, here is a familiar image from the wild…


A special thanks to Lola for the photo modifications

How I became a Serie A fan. Towards the end of the summer I decided I was going to start following the Serie A. I have followed the EPL and La Liga for years, and had my alliances very set in stone for both leagues for a while, but I had never followed the Italian league closely. While my alliances in the other two leagues formed fairly organically (stories for another day) I started thinking, hmm I need a team if I am going to follow this league, right? It is pretty impossible for me to watch any sort of competition and not get behind a team, I mean I cannot even watch a game show without picking a favorite and screaming at the tv. I decided to give the impossible a try and not pick a team until the end of season…and I succeeded. I spent the season as a happy neutral spectator learning and enjoying the intricacies of the league. I saw a lot of beautiful football and a lot of beautiful men.

As the season progressed I began to sort out teams I could see myself as a potential fan of and ones I just could not get behind. I decided quickly that AC Milan just was not for me, they were just to polished, smug, or something…can’t put my finger on it. There are a lot of great players on the team and not really hateable, but just not for me. The three teams that started to stand out to me as possible candidates were Roma, Juventus, and Inter. After a few Roma games I realized that while they were ripe with hotties there just was not that spark there, and with that Roma got an honorable discharge. There I was trying to decide between Juve and Inter and it was a tough tough choice.

Juve had a little something I loved, not to mention my near obsession with Iaquinta’s head and Gigi’s hair. On the other hand Inter had The Special One, how could I NOT cheer for The Special One? The more I watched Inter the more I loved them…it was going to be so tough to choose. I made a pro list for each team…I managed to lose this list but it was full of quality reasons to cheer for teams such as: Pupi’s right thigh, Pupi’s left thigh, the pure awesomeness of Gigi, Nedved’s hair, etc. (btw the was I was choosing on more than just hotness, but that is just how my lists always turn out). After some time Inter was pulling away into a lead and I was inches away from declaring them the winner.

Then all of a sudden Juve hit hard with a three-pronged attack of firing Ranieri, signing Cannavaro (again), and Gigi Buffon wore bobby pins in a game I never thought I could want a man in berets so badly. Inter needed to step up their game…and step it up they did.

I think it was a few days after the clinched the title I was spending one of my usual awesome weekends sitting on the couch with the dogs, watching sappy movies, drinking lots of wine, and chatting on twitter with my lovely kickette ladies. All of a sudden I get a set of tweets I have only been able to describe as “drunken pictorial persuasion” TB was making a last ditch effort to sway me to become an Interista. It was a series of pictures of Mr. Stankovic in most of these pictures he was about 85% naked and one of which was on a waterslide. It not only provided material for fun dirty jokes, it involved something awesome…a waterslide! Also there were pictures like this…of the boys drunk and in festive wigs from the night before a game after they clinched the title. I LOVE FESTIVE HEAD GEAR!

I was drunk, TB was drunk, the nerazzurri boys were drunk it was like fate…I knew then and there that Inter HAD to be my team. And lets not forget the one of Julio Cesar in a crazy hat, no shirt, and a flag…too bad I can’t find it now.

I had been waiting for my magical a-ha moment, and that was it. So here I am an Internazionale fan. I cannot wait for next season when I can really watch the Serie A with my very own team to support. I loved watching the league this year, but without a team I did not have deep deep emotional attachment I have to La Liga and EPL. I know it is going to come and will develop more with another season or two. So there it is, how I became a fan of the Serie A and a fan of Inter.

Keeping with the tradition of Monday Manmeat, I am not going to go into all of his accomplishments just going to focus on the hottiness. Quick background, he is known simply as Xavi, plays for Barca and Spanish NT and is one of, if not the best midfielders in the world.

I cannot begin to describe my feelings for this pocket-sized Spanish hunk of man. I don't know if it is his puppy-dog eyes and always perfectly spiked hair...


Or the confused/pouty expression that is always on his face...


Maybe its his magical passing skills and perma-5 o'clock shadow...I don't really know but I do know the Xavster does things to me I could never explain


And one more time I will post the ultimate Xavalicious picture...stumbled upon this beauty and still have not breathed right since. Maybe its because it is the only sans-shirt pic I have found of him, or the cascading water, the look on his face, the fact that there seems to be a hint of chest hair (a rare sight amongst Spanish ballers)it could be any of the above things. However, what I think that really makes me melt in this picture is the fact that even while showering in a random village his hair stays perfectly spiky. Oh Xavi.

This pint-sized bundle of magical passing sexy is not for everyone, but there are a special few of us who see it.

Okay so many things to write about from this weekend...and I will get to them eventually. Most of the day I have been a bit of a teary blubbering mess, and will get around to writing about the following eventually...

1. My Blues won the FA CUP!!! Soooo beyond proud of you boys
2. La Liga ended today :-( RM lost, but my pet team I wanted to avoid relegation (osasuna) stayed up.
3. Serie A ended today...Inter won, Yay! more on my Serie A adventure this season to come
4. Both Maldini and Figo played their last professional games today. So sad, both such amazing players.
5. Last but not least...Rafa was knocked out of the French Open today, by some sweedish punk whose name I wont even say. Happy roger has a real chance to get his career grand slam at last. But rafa, poor rafa, sooooo sad for him. Rafa IS roland garros.

I am sitting here, glass of wine in hand watching the replay of the Barcelona v. Manchester Untied Champions League final. This was a beautifully played match NO thanks at all to ManU, it was all Barca today. I have spent the day being the most avid Barcelona supporter I can be...for one day only. It is a rare sight seeing a Madridista cheering her heart out for the blaugranna, but I did it today. I am also a die-hard Chelsea fan, and did not think I could cheer for a team after the way Barca beat us to get into the final but here I am and feel like I should explain why.

I mean there is the obvious reason, being a Chelsea supporter and reasonable human being, I hate Manchester United. Not just because they are our league rivals, looking at the current squad it is filled with a lot of unlikeable players. Most of their players would barely be above average if they did not have the puppet master Fergie in charge. Not to mention it is pretty hard if not impossible for me to like players like Ronaldo, Berbatov, Vidic, etc. Mine opinion of course and so I am sure some disagree. Anyways this post is not about why I hate ManU, but that was a factor in my cheering for Barca.

While hating ManU explains me wanting Barca to win, it does not explain why I really really wanted them to win and why I was cheering for them almost (and I mean almost) like I was watching one of my teams out there. When it comes down to it there is a ridiculous amount of arrogance surrounding the EPL and the “English style” of play. It may win games in tournaments but it sucks to watch. Because it works well in tournaments people use it as justification that the English style is best and the EPL is superior to the other leagues. However, I feel like if you took even some of the best English teams and dropped them in to La Liga or Serie A they would be struggling a bit day in and day out. While they may do well being great teams it would not be sheer dominance that people seem to award them automatically. So when I was cheering for Barca today I was cheering for the beautiful game, La Liga, and Serie A.

On one hand I sit and watch Barca and think they should not be there and am gutted at the thought Chelsea is not. But as I have said before I don’t blame Barca or think they cheated or anything like that for how that game ended. I blame that d-bag of a useless man they called a ref and UEFA, but not Barca. Also as I have said before if Chelsea was going to get fucked at least it was for a team that can represent the beautiful game well. In the past few weeks I kept hearing bullshit comments like “well Barcelona can score a bunch of goals in La Liga but they can’t do it against a real strong English defense.” Well Chelsea’s incredible defense could hold them, and I take a small bit of solace in this watching the game today. As a Chelsea fan it makes me feel a little fuzzy inside knowing that my boys in Blue were able to contain Barca heroically and seemingly effortlessly and Man Utd was not only unable to do this but they were also embarrassed when they tried to. And yes it still hurts like a bitch knowing how well Chelsea played and knowing they should be there.

And the last reason…as much as I dislike Barcelona and always will, the current squad has some class players. Messi, Xavi, and Iniesta are just incredible and players I cannot help but have a lot of respect for them. Especially the later two they get out there and get the job done and done amazingly well…exceptional talent carried out with class is hard to come by. If you need proof look at Ronaldo, got the talent and no class. And let’s not forget the fuzzy heart warming comments of Pep dedicating the victory to Maldini.

For some people who seem to think me, and a lot others are bandwagon Barcelona fans because of today or just cheering for them because of some cute players that is far from the case. I know I was cheering for a lot more a lot more than Barca today and cheering against a lot more than ManU. I have no problems with anyone’s alliances in this game no matter what the reasons but this is why mine were what they were.

Oh yeah and man of the match Xavi does make me think dirty things…

*dries off spiky-haired pint sized Spanish ball of sex and places him back in pocket*