giggle pop

Dear readers I fear I have a horrible disease. As some of you know last year I was diagnosed with Ikeritis. I had been (the exact opposite of) suffering from it for many years and I was finally able to pinpoint why I lost all function every time I saw a picture or even thought about Iker Casillas. While Ikeritis has been an amazingly pleasant experience, I fear I have contracted a new much worse disease, it is known as Cristianorhea.

I showed initial symptoms a while back when I had a very brief fascination with his abdominal and hipdippal regions, but I soon realized that it must be stopped. I stopped it quickly, I took high doses of Xavi, Gago, Iker, Pupi, Riccy, Ramos, Raul, Gigi, Canna, Gonzo and many other supplements from countries such Argentina, Spain, Italy and so on. (all of which were taken with a teaspoon of course). The symptoms subsided and totally disappeared. I managed to go on day to day hating overly gelled, overly tanned, cry-babies who played for horrible teams. Through my regiment I managed to avoid the initial strain of this disease, lets call it the Trafford-Strain-Simplex-7.

In the summer of 2009 the disease Cristianorhea morphed into a whole new strain and I fear I contracted it. This strain is known as the Merengues-Strain-Simplex-9-Galacticos. While a much milder form of the strain and much more pleasant it is also much more contagious.

I believe these pictures were taken around the time I was infected


The moment I saw this giddy face in the Real Madrid kit I felt hate fading. He just looked, so…so happy to a be a part of our club. I mean it was his dream, his dream was not to play for some annoying club in northern England his dream was to play in La Liga for Real Madrid.



The grease seemed much less shiny. I felt less disgusting loving his manbags, his abs, his hip dips, his thighs. It was like all the grossness was washed away when he took off that red kit and put on the white one

I no longer wanted to look away, no longer felt like I should, it just seemed so natural. It was like when he put on the blanco there was a sort of footie baptism and all of the things I hated were cute little quirks because he was now part of a team I loved not one I hated.

Oh dear me, I apologize, all that gushing was the disease talking, not me I swear. You see it addles the brains, I think and say things I never thought I would. I know many of you have not been infected, some have a natural immunity and never will. Some were infected by the original strain and can understand me. Those with the immunity please be kind and understand the strife those of us infected endure, I don’t think any of us wish for this disease, all we can do is live with it and hide it the best we can. I know in the past I was critical of those infected but I now see the errors of my ways there are some lustings you just cannot help and you never know when they will strike.

I am starting a support group for those of us infected and need a place to discuss our oh so wonderfully wrong feelings. Please let me know if you are interested, we are not alone.

Are you suffering from Cristianorhea? Here are some of the symptoms, if you experience two or more of these you are likely infected. If you have been infected, I unfortunately have not found a cure. But I have not been looking too hard.

Possible symptoms
• You have a folder of “Cristiano Ronaldo” pictures on your computer, that you hide under another name.
• You wonder, can he really be that diseased?
• You ask yourself “straight men can wear silver hot pants, right?”
• You see him fall and you think “Maybe that was not a dive”
• You believe he just had ice cream and went LV shopping with Paris
• You think to yourself “maybe he will stop his epic douchbaggary now that he has joined Real Madrid”
• He moves closer to the “want to chase with whipped cream and file in your mind” you also plan to bring purell on this chase
• You find yourself staring hungrily at his hipdips, abs, arms, etc
• You start to think well he has a cute smile and loves his mom
And last but not least
• You look at this pic and you find yourself thinking “I so would” when you know its so dirty



*note* even though I have this disease does not believe I do not fully standby anything I have said about him in the past. Nor does it mean I will ever stop making jokes about him, nor will I stop thinking jokes about him are frickin’ hilarious.

I am sitting here, glass of wine in hand watching the replay of the Barcelona v. Manchester Untied Champions League final. This was a beautifully played match NO thanks at all to ManU, it was all Barca today. I have spent the day being the most avid Barcelona supporter I can be...for one day only. It is a rare sight seeing a Madridista cheering her heart out for the blaugranna, but I did it today. I am also a die-hard Chelsea fan, and did not think I could cheer for a team after the way Barca beat us to get into the final but here I am and feel like I should explain why.

I mean there is the obvious reason, being a Chelsea supporter and reasonable human being, I hate Manchester United. Not just because they are our league rivals, looking at the current squad it is filled with a lot of unlikeable players. Most of their players would barely be above average if they did not have the puppet master Fergie in charge. Not to mention it is pretty hard if not impossible for me to like players like Ronaldo, Berbatov, Vidic, etc. Mine opinion of course and so I am sure some disagree. Anyways this post is not about why I hate ManU, but that was a factor in my cheering for Barca.

While hating ManU explains me wanting Barca to win, it does not explain why I really really wanted them to win and why I was cheering for them almost (and I mean almost) like I was watching one of my teams out there. When it comes down to it there is a ridiculous amount of arrogance surrounding the EPL and the “English style” of play. It may win games in tournaments but it sucks to watch. Because it works well in tournaments people use it as justification that the English style is best and the EPL is superior to the other leagues. However, I feel like if you took even some of the best English teams and dropped them in to La Liga or Serie A they would be struggling a bit day in and day out. While they may do well being great teams it would not be sheer dominance that people seem to award them automatically. So when I was cheering for Barca today I was cheering for the beautiful game, La Liga, and Serie A.

On one hand I sit and watch Barca and think they should not be there and am gutted at the thought Chelsea is not. But as I have said before I don’t blame Barca or think they cheated or anything like that for how that game ended. I blame that d-bag of a useless man they called a ref and UEFA, but not Barca. Also as I have said before if Chelsea was going to get fucked at least it was for a team that can represent the beautiful game well. In the past few weeks I kept hearing bullshit comments like “well Barcelona can score a bunch of goals in La Liga but they can’t do it against a real strong English defense.” Well Chelsea’s incredible defense could hold them, and I take a small bit of solace in this watching the game today. As a Chelsea fan it makes me feel a little fuzzy inside knowing that my boys in Blue were able to contain Barca heroically and seemingly effortlessly and Man Utd was not only unable to do this but they were also embarrassed when they tried to. And yes it still hurts like a bitch knowing how well Chelsea played and knowing they should be there.

And the last reason…as much as I dislike Barcelona and always will, the current squad has some class players. Messi, Xavi, and Iniesta are just incredible and players I cannot help but have a lot of respect for them. Especially the later two they get out there and get the job done and done amazingly well…exceptional talent carried out with class is hard to come by. If you need proof look at Ronaldo, got the talent and no class. And let’s not forget the fuzzy heart warming comments of Pep dedicating the victory to Maldini.

For some people who seem to think me, and a lot others are bandwagon Barcelona fans because of today or just cheering for them because of some cute players that is far from the case. I know I was cheering for a lot more a lot more than Barca today and cheering against a lot more than ManU. I have no problems with anyone’s alliances in this game no matter what the reasons but this is why mine were what they were.

Oh yeah and man of the match Xavi does make me think dirty things…

*dries off spiky-haired pint sized Spanish ball of sex and places him back in pocket*

Well, well, well. The initial trauma of Chelsea's last minute loss to some idiot bald ref, I mean Barcelona, is starting to fade and I can think somewhat clearly again.

For those of you behind the times, my beloved boys in blue lost after a last minute goal by Andres Iniesta of Barcelona and were denied a spot in the Champions League final. I am not going to get into the controversy (there was plenty, and I am sure you know it all) but long story short Chelsea were denied many penalties they clearly should have received and by all means deserved to win the game. Most people did not want Chelsea in the final for many reasons. I am not just talking about footie fans who dislike Chelsea...I am talking about UEFA, FIFA, Commentators, Pundits and so on. I am not saying the match was fixed, I am just saying. I am sure some of the stuff I say will piss people off, even some Chelsea fans...this is not my aim, so if you have any questions about what I have to say, please let me know so I can clarify.

On one hand I am of course pissed off, but on the other at least this happened when playing a team like Barcelona. I know some people may be angry at me for saying this, but this years Barca squad does deserve to be in the final. I do not think they deserved to win the game last week by any means I think they were outplayed by Chelsea. I am just talking about this season as a whole, they have been playing some amazing football and I always assumed they would make it to the final (This was before I knew they had to go through Chelsea to get there). I of course wanted them to lose to Chelsea, and think how they got there was a disgrace (on the part of UEFA and the Ref) but if Chels were going to get screwed like they did at least it was a to a quality team. If this same thing happened against Man Utd or Liverpool I probably would have been vomiting after the game, well I still was pretty close after Iniesta's goal. It just would have seemed a lot worse against teams like that. Now I just hope Barcelona can go to the final and humiliate Man Utd, because as far as talent and class goes I think Barca is the superior team of the two. Chelsea deserve to be in the final, but if we were going to get screwed out of our rightful place at least it went to a worthy team. And in the end, I am still beyond proud of the boys for keeping Barcelona from playing like themselves for both legs, no matter what you think of Cheslea's tactics in the first leg. Also lets not forget just how beautiful Essien's goal was, I mean my god, it was amazing...but then again Essien is all around amazing, how could you expect anything else?

Now on to the players reactions. As I am sure everyone has seen Michael Ballack and Didier Drogba freaked out just a teensy bit, okay they freaked out a lot. I keep hearing from a lot of people how unprofessional it was and it was a disgrace they acted the way they did. I think that is just bulls***, they were just robbed of a spot in the final of one of the biggest tournaments of their life, and one in which they had some serious things to prove after the way it ended last year. Chelsea has had a tough season with instability because of manager drama and have been fighting with everything they have to stay in the CL and in the title race. This is a team of world class and passionate footballers and I do not blame them for how they reacted. Much of this criticism is coming from fans of a certain team in northern England *cough* ManEww *cough*, a team that has no frickin clue what is like to get screwed over because of horrible officiating because generally if a team is getting screwed over this team is the one benefiting. Sure some Man Utd fans will disagree, and I was making an unnecessarily broad statement, I am sure they have had some bad calls against them, but not to the extent most other teams have. Rafa Benitez may be a wack-job imo, but he made some valid points earlier this season. I think these certain fans of this certain team need to think before bashing Ballack and Drogba like they do, because if Man Utd had been in that situation (not like that would EVER happen) their players would have reacted the same way. Ronaldo throws a tizzy and goes to ground if a stiff breeze blows on him, and Rooney is not exactly the king of being Mr. calm and collected on the pitch...I could go on and on.

Here is the short version of my thoughts. 1) Chelsea got screwed, it sucks, made me cry...but if we were going to be screwed I would rather it be in favor of Barca than most teams. 2) Props to Ballack and Drogba (and the rest of the boys) nothing wrong with anyone's reactions. 3) That game made my love of Chelsea grow even more...if it was possible 4) I am pretty sure Andres Iniesta is actually Casper the friendly ghost...and needs to go away.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

As some of you may recall a while back I had a bit of a battle with a little squirrel in my yard that kept getting into a bird feeder. Well here is an update on the little brat. First off I named him Ronnie. Because like his namesake, he is annoying, ballsy, way too full of himself, and unfortunately good at what he does. Though, unlike Human-Ronnie, he is not doing step-overs, scoring goals, taking off his shirt, rolling on the ground, and banging prostitutes-- Squirrel-Ronnie is master at breaking into the damn bird feeder.

The other day I see him in the bird feeder so I decide to scare him away. I go outside he jumps out and sits on the ground and looks at me. Not one to back down to a challenge I throw my shoe at him. Squirrel-Ronnie dodges it skillfully and proceeds to chirp at me. Afraid of the ballsy little thing, and my history of being attacked by wildlife, I run back in the house. I glare out the window, now it is really on.

The next day I decide this is going to end once and for all. I grab a roll of duct tape and I duct tape the hell out of that bird feeder. The birds can still get in but there is no way Squirrel-Ronnie can get in, right? WRONG! For a few days I watch him try with futile efforts to get into the feeder, and laugh as he fails. But then what do you know, I come home from work and the cover (still covered in duct tape) is laying on the ground and Squirrel-Ronnie is up in the tree chirping at me, mocking me.

I am not sure what my next move will be, but this war is far from over.

Here is an old pic of Squirrel-Ronnie in the feeder.

Real quick because I am lazy tonight.
Chelsea in teh FA cup final!!!! We beat Arsenal 2-1 on saturday and it was just plain awesome. I cannot comment too much on the game itself because i could not actually watch it, though did get great play by play from the blues babes in chat. We will be playing Everton who beat ManU on penalties today.
A few quick thoughts on the game, glad I missed the first 100 minutes or so, and got to see the best part, I am 94% certain Dimitar Berbatov actually is Count Chocula, Ben Foster is just too hot for his own good and should leave ManU imediately. and Tim Howard is the man! An all blue final!!

Real Madrid won, and played in the black kits and looked as hot as ever. Iker is finally sorted out his hair and is just wow. Marcello got the only goal of the game from a great pass from my boy Fernando Gago. Mmmmmm Gago. (sorry he makes my mind wander). Really Hot Madrid is still in the LaLiga title race and on an Epic 16 game unbeaten streak and I believe 15 of those were outright wins. However, Barca just does not want to lose. El Classico is in a few weeks eeeek!

Thats about it, there was some tennis and golf this weekend but nothing big. I did not get a chance to watch or look up results.